Forever


When you needed a hand,
I was there to hold you,
When you needed an ear,
I was there to listen too,

I was there to watch you laugh,
And to see you cry,
I was there to tell you to let it go,
And sometimes to give it another try,

I was there when you needed someone,
To talk to till late in the night,
I was the nice guy to see you on the phone,
With your guy, while I consoled myself that you were happy though I lone,

I told you things will be okay,
When you got afraid of the dark,
I told you that no problem was so big,
That you couldn’t make the walk.

I was there with you,
Always,
But I guess things start to end somewhere,
And it’s hard to let you go.

But far in a place,
I know you will be happy and high,
With your guy, I will be a faded memory of June,
For once I loved you,
But things end,
And I will end too.. soon,

And if you do remember me,
I hope it brings you a smile,
For, when you asked how long I shall be there for you,
I said, forever,
Because when I needed someone,
You were there for me, forever too. 🙂
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Title.


It’s said, an art is best done when the you really feel about something. A guitarist plays his best notes, an artist paints his best painting or a singer composes his best song when he is strongly motivated by something. Love. What word is it? A simple four letter word which brings out the best of emotions in you. When I used to write earlier, I didn’t have to think much. And today, it’s hard to even think about a topic. I have to stop after each and every sentence. It’s like a a person who stammers at his words. He knows what to say, but he is unable to express it.

When people are in love, everything is different. A friend of mine used to hate my writing because each piece was about one single person. But, somehow, writing used to give me a different sense of pleasure. Poems, stories, articles, you name it, and it didn’t seem a difficult task. Today, it’s cumbersome to even think of writing. Somehow, I am clinging to keep the dying spirit alive.

It is the sense of freedom that I have long lost. The feeling is gone and I am here writing shitty, random things. Maybe it doesn’t matter or maybe it does. How does one justify it? When you are in love, you are motivated by everything what the person does. You want to keep listening to them, remembering the memories again and again. You love everything about them. The good things. The bad ones. You love being cared by them. The feeling that someone is there by your side. Listening to you. Caring about you. Thinking about you.

Somewhere, I lost that feeling. All that is left is a void. People say I have become emotionless. And so have my writings too. I used to enjoy writing. The feeling is gone. I rarely get sad or happy now. And, as a matter of fact, I can’t help it. But then I meet someone someday and the same feelings come rushing by (life_fucked). The fear of going through everything is so overwhelming that I start running away from them. I am even afraid to be honest to myself.

I realise, I really need to stop writing. Putting random thoughts does injustice to what writing meant for me. Maybe someday, the motivation will be there again. To feel for someone, to overcome the fear. For the time being, you have to bear with my random thoughts.

That’s how life is. 🙂

A familiar road?


I rose up to see the morning sun,
Somehow the rays didn’t feel bright the way they used to,
The evening breeze couldn’t force the calm as usual,
Rains somehow failed to show some magic new

A face kept lingering in memories,
When I had thought it was too old to remember,
A pain kept coming rushing by,
With its echoes becoming less dimmer

With a vow to find a happy place, I left,
Never to fall on the roads I had long ago embraced,
The spirit got stronger and so did the promises,
Some memories flew down and some got erased

But fate has a way to mock the vows,
When promises don’t matter and neither do the pain,
Somehow the road I feared to tread, met me,
And I fell, once again.

Rachel


It must be the umpteenth time that I was watching FRIENDS. And it still feels like the first time. You get attached to the characters. You sometimes live one of them for real. And one of the closest thing I can feel is that of Ross and Rachel. It’s a fictional sitcom and still there is this bond that feels so real. There is always an on-off relationship thing that never ends between them. You see them fight, you see them cry and then you see them back together. And even watching it hundreds of times doesn’t let that feeling of goosebumps cease.

It’s funny how you are hung up on a character. There will always be a new person in your life. You are going to be with them. So why is it weird that one person will always be there who never really manages to escape your thoughts? Why is that even after so many years she is still going to be there in your life and mind? Maybe not physically, but she is going to be there. There is always going to be her who you never could be with, even when being together was always meant to be. It’s not like you want to get back together or want her back in your life. But no matter, whom you meet or what you do, it will be never be the way it was with her. There will always be her.

You will move on with your life and you will be happy. You will find new people. You will try to erase the past, but you will always know that the person you were in front of her can never be in front of anyone else. You try to console yourself that she must be happy with her life and you should be too. And maybe you are. But somehow you never seem to lose hope. You hope that someday, somehow she comes back. And when you are alone at night, these memories come rushing back. Some happy and some sad ones. They still make you laugh and they still bring tears in your eyes. You rewind those moments again and again and try to figure out the things you could have done to never let it end.

Life goes on and so you do too. But some sort of invisible string remains. The string that never seems to get weak. And someday, no matter how, when you cross paths with your Rachel, you know that, that string will make you smile. You will forget the pain you went through, for, you know that none of them ever mattered. And then you will know for sure, she was indeed yours. She, was your Rachel. 🙂

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