Screwing up

There are moments in your life when you wish you had a time machine. Time is an abstract concept. The mere value of time is realised when we are past the moment. You do things that you know you are going to regret for the rest of your lives.

You try to achieve something. You put efforts in it. You nurture your dream. You work hard for so long. And then, somehow, even though trivial, something is enough to screw up the whole thing. You wish you could go back in time, un-screw up those things. You wish you could have done certain things in a certain way, or hadn’t done the things at all.

No one wants to hold regrets. Some are careful enough to tread with caution, and there are people like me, who tend to screw up almost all the good things in life. And the worst part is that the regrets seldom seem to subside. It stays there in the heart.

I could think over what happened, frame by frame, trying to think about the things that went wrong. I have screwed up so many friendships and relationships, just when I thought that things were starting to get perfect. I guess, life really doesn’t allow for complacency. I tell myself, ‘no, this won’t happen again’, and then again, there I am, BAM, in the same situation.

And the worst part is that there is no way I can make things normal. They get getting worse and worse till the point that the mere concept of existence starts looking fake.

I really need to organise my thoughts for now. I know, someday or the other I would. Maybe, as you grow up, the room for complacency starts getting smaller and smaller. And that’s how life is going to be, I guess. 🙂


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