It is hard to believe that just 2 months ago I was that careless college kid who sleeps at 4 in the morning, only to wake up 1 in the afternoon. Now, I am this scared person who is afraid to sleep beyond 1 in the night, scared of waking up late for his office.
I am this frustrated person who is afraid of his own words and actions. A person, no one would like to be. I am stuck in front of my laptop for 8 hours, the feel of being in cage becoming more surreal as the days beckon. I feel suffocated. But, that’s how life has become now. I get frustrated with small things, that free kid is begging to be alive again. But again, there are phases and these phase tend to start and end at some point of time.
I don’t feel like writing anymore or reading stuffs. The monotonous life has dawned on the carefree one somehow.
Today, I had a meeting in the evening. I left my office on my bike. I met with a slight drizzle on the way. I had my earphones plugged in. It had been a long time since I have been this way. It felt like the old times. It felt nice that sometimes we do appreciate the fact that even the smallest of things can bring happiness. And somehow, in that smokey traffic and blaring horns, I smiled again. The kid was welling to be alive again. And, as I zipped past the huge array of cars and bikes, I felt free. 🙂
Someone told me once, “No one is good or bad, it is all about the circumstances.” Today I wonder how apt the line is. People say you can know someone in the first meeting. But how complicated is the thing is that, it is only after a variety of situations, you get to know who the real person is. People act differently in different moments at different time. I read somewhere “7 billion people in this world, 14 billion faces.” Saving the generalisation, it can be termed true to some extent. But are people really two-faced? How do you coin someone as good or bad?
How often have you assumed someone as bad and later doubted your own assumption? People bitch behind other’s back. But no one really knows the answer to the reason why a certain person acted in a certain way. Never judge another person until you have walked two miles in his shoes. People tend to act in the way that benefits them. Then again, there are selfless persons, for sure.
So many a times, I have assumed a person to be in a certain way, only to be surprised the way things actually pan out. I have refrained from talking to few people on the ground of them being too absurd only to find out later about how humble they actually are. Somehow, life becomes so complicated that we actually start looking things the way we want to. If our assumption says that a person is bad, even his good deeds start irritating.
I have had a few of such revelations. All I understood is that a book should never be judged by its cover. It is such an illusion to judge a person through assumptions. Open the book, and you will realise how beautiful the story can turn out to be. 🙂
There are moments in your life when you wish you had a time machine. Time is an abstract concept. The mere value of time is realised when we are past the moment. You do things that you know you are going to regret for the rest of your lives.
You try to achieve something. You put efforts in it. You nurture your dream. You work hard for so long. And then, somehow, even though trivial, something is enough to screw up the whole thing. You wish you could go back in time, un-screw up those things. You wish you could have done certain things in a certain way, or hadn’t done the things at all.
No one wants to hold regrets. Some are careful enough to tread with caution, and there are people like me, who tend to screw up almost all the good things in life. And the worst part is that the regrets seldom seem to subside. It stays there in the heart.
I could think over what happened, frame by frame, trying to think about the things that went wrong. I have screwed up so many friendships and relationships, just when I thought that things were starting to get perfect. I guess, life really doesn’t allow for complacency. I tell myself, ‘no, this won’t happen again’, and then again, there I am, BAM, in the same situation.
And the worst part is that there is no way I can make things normal. They get getting worse and worse till the point that the mere concept of existence starts looking fake.
I really need to organise my thoughts for now. I know, someday or the other I would. Maybe, as you grow up, the room for complacency starts getting smaller and smaller. And that’s how life is going to be, I guess. 🙂